Haywire (2012) Review

Director: Steven Soderbergh
Writer: Lem Dobbs
Genre: Action


1.5 Cookies

                     The main problem with Steven Soderbergh’s Haywire is that there isn’t enough of a story to excuse the lack of action. Also, when there isn’t fighting going on, all you want is for the characters to stop talking and start punching. Soderbergh, who has directed such films as Traffic, Ocean’s 11, and Contagion is a really interesting, occasionally brilliant visual director but with Haywire I felt like he was trying way too hard to be cool, and it makes him look like a fool.

            The incoherent and unnecessarily confusing story deals with a very tough female spy or something named Mallory and her quest to get revenge on Ewan McGregor after he double crosses her and tries to have her killed. Gina Carano, who is an actual Mixed Martial Arts fighter, plays Mallory and this makes sense because she’s good at fighting, but not so good at acting. When she’s beating up Channing Tatum or random police officers, it’s fun to watch but when she has to deliver a line of dialogue instead of a kick, it’s cringe worthy. The plot unfolds in a way that you don’t really know what’s going on until the end, and in this case that is not a good thing. Ewan McGregor, who I usually like, was simply annoying in Haywire, along with most of the other cast members like Antonio Banderas and Michael Douglas. It’s hard to act well when you don’t have a good script to work with, I guess.

            There was one sequence that did stand out though, and raises the movie from a 1 cookie rating to a 1.5 cookie rating alone. Michael Fassbender, who I think ranks just a notch below Ryan Gosling on the coolest actors list, has an awesome fight scene with Carano that is so good I wish it was in a better movie so I would want to watch it again. Unfortunately, Fassbender only has about 10 minutes of screen time and the other 80 minutes are dull and repetitive and disorderly. If someone makes a cut of Haywire that edits out everything but the fight scenes, it might make a cool 20 minute short, but the version is theaters now is definitely not worth the price of admission, or the time, or the gas money to get to the theater. 

My reaction to the Oscar nominees

Now that the dust has settled from yesterday’s Oscar nominee announcements I think it’s a good time to see just how much the Academy got wrong, and how little they got right.

Here is a full list of the nominees: http://oscar.go.com/nominees

Best Picture: 

This year, the Academy decided through a very complicated voting system that feels more like the electoral college than a way to honor films, that there could be anywhere from 5 to 10 nominees. Most Oscar pundits, myself included, thought there would 6 or 7. I was shocked when not 6, 7, or even 8 films were nominated, but 9! I was even more shocked when one of them was Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. With a 48 percent rating on the movie review aggregate site Rotten Tomatoes, Extremely Loud is now one of the worst reviewed movies to ever be nominated for a best picture Oscar. 

A higher percentage of critics gave positive reviews to No Strings Attached, Final Destination 5, and Tower Heist, but now Stephen Daldry's artificial and manipulative post-9/11 weepy can officially put "Academy Award Best Picture nominee" on it's posters. Extremely Loud was essentially shut out of all the pre-Oscar awards but apparently had enough Academy support to land a Best Picture nomination. 

Every year I hype myself up for the Oscars, but every year I'm reminded that this is the same awards show that had Forrest Gump beat Pulp Fiction and The Shawshank Redemption in 1994,  had Shakespeare in Love beat Saving Private Ryan in 1997, didn't nominate The Dark Knight but nominated Benjamin Button in 2008, and just last year had The King's Speech beat The Social Network. 

Extremely Loud felt like it was made purely for the sake of going to the Oscars so maybe I shouldn't be so shocked that the Academy recognized that. Here is proof that the Oscars are meaningless: Jennifer Hudson has more Oscars than Alfred Hitchcock, Ingmar Bergman, Brad Pitt, and Leonardo DiCaprio combined (1). 

Anyway, The Artist is deserving of its 10 nominations so I'm happy about that. Hugo scored an astounding 11 nominations and is a good, but not great, movie. I'm happy that Midnight in Paris and Moneyball, two of my favorite films of 2011, are nominated for Best Picture. I haven't seen The Help or War Horse yet, but I will soon. I didn't like The Tree of Life at all but at least the Academy veered a tiny bit from the mainstream in nominating Terrence Malick's two hour and 18 minute modern art experiment. And I still think The Descendants is vastly overrated but there was zero chance that wasn't going to be nominated. 

Three of the movies in my top 10 list made the Academy's top 9.

Best Director: 

There are really no surprises here, except maybe Terrence Malick (The Tree of Life) sneaking in over David Fincher (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo) or Tate Taylor (The Help). The list of best director nominees indicates what movies actually have a chance at winning Best Picture. Whoever wins Best Director usually has his film end up winning best picture as well, but I could see a potential scenario this year where Scorsese wins Best Director for Hugo, but The Artist still wins Best Picture. It's always great when Woody gets nominated for Oscars - even though he doesn't ever show up, no speech by Woody would probably be more entertaining than a speech from any of the other nominated directors. He probably doesn't have a shot at winning Best Director but he does have a great chance to win Best Original Screenplay.

Acting Awards: 

The snubs started to get really surprising, and in the case of Tilda Swinton absolutely disgraceful, in the acting categories. 

Tilda Swinton gave the best performance by a female this year in the harrowing We Need to Talk About Kevin but was completely snubbed by the Academy in got getting nominated for Best Actress. Maybe not enough people saw the movie, maybe the movie was too disturbing, maybe the Academy Awards are stupid (I think it's a combination of the three, the third option being most prevalent), but for whatever reason Swinton will not be at the Oscars this year and that's a damn shame.

Meryl Streep (for the billionth time), Viola Davis, Michelle Williams, and Glen Close were pretty much locks, so Rooney Mara seems to have stolen Swinton's spot. Mara is very deserving as she gave an incredible performance in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo but I was just hoping by some miracle that Mara and Swinton would both get recognized. Out of this group only Viola Davis' performance comes from a Best Picture nominated movie (The Help), while three male Best Actor nominees come from Best Picture nominated movies. It seems as if many of the Academy's favorite female performances this year came in movies they didn't love quite as much. Elizabeth Olsen seemed to have fallen out of the race long ago for her performance in Martha Marcy May Marlene but I think the Academy really overlooked her.

For Best Actor, Clooney, Pitt, and Dujardin were expected and the final two spots were up for grabs. Demian Bichir getting the nomination for the little seen A Better Life is pretty surprising and slightly less surprising is Gary Oldman getting the nomination for Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. I haven't seen Shame yet, but from what I've heard Michael Fassbender gives a pretty remarkable performance so I was shocked he didn't get a nomination. DiCaprio and Gosling were lagging behind as the Awards season progressed so I'm not surprised Leo was left out, but I was hoping that somehow Gosling would get recognized for either The Ides of March or Drive. No matter who ends up winning the Oscar this year, I still think Ryan Gosling was the biggest winner of 2011.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt never really had a shot but I think he gave the best performance of the year in 50/50.

On the supporting side, I was happy to see that Jonah Hill can now officially call himself an Oscar nominee. I wonder if the 21 Jump Street advertising team will put "starring Oscar nominee Jonah Hill" on their posters. Who would have thought that the same guy who had a penis drawing addiction in Superbad and wanted to buy sparkly boots in The 40 Year Old Virgin, would wind up with the same amount of Oscar nominations as Gary Oldman. The winner of this award will most likely be Christopher Plummer for his role in Beginners, and at 81 years old, it would be his first win. But, Albert Brooks really got screwed over in not getting nominated for his supporting role in Drive - that's just wrong, Academy!

It was nice to see Melissa McCarthy get nominated for her hilarious role in Bridesmaids, though.

Writing:
The first thing that stands out about the screenplay nominations to me is that my favorite movie of the year 50/50 was completely ignored. Realistically, I knew that Will Reiser's marvelous script was the only chance 50/50 had of being included at the Oscars even though it was my favorite movie of the year, had a brilliant lead performance from Gordon-Levitt, and fantastic supporting work from Anna Kendrick, Angelica Huston, and Seth Rogen. I might have even forgiven the Academy for nominating Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, forgetting about Tilda Swinton, and screwing over Albert Brooks, but leaving out 50/50 was the last straw. Oscar, you suck!

I'm happy Bridesmaids is nominated, The Artist and The Separation are deserving, and Midnight in Paris  will probably win, which is fine because Woody is the best, but 50/50 definitely deserved a spot over Margin Call for Best Original Screenplay.

Nothing about the Adapted Screenplay nominations is that surprising except for maybe The Ides of March, which is a movie that I think should have been nominated for Best Picture. This category seems to be all locked up by The Descendants, though I could see a potential scenario where Moneyball finds a way to win.

Other:
I don't understand why there are only two nominations for Best Song as opposed to the usual three. "Man or Muppet" is a great song but "Life's a Happy Song" should have also been nominated from The Muppets.

Now a month of waiting begins before the most anti-climactic event of the year. In the meantime, rent 50/50 if you haven't seen it yet, check out Tilda Swinton's performance in Kevin, and don't go see Extremely Loud and Incredibly Stupid.

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (2011)

Director: Stephen Daldry
Writer: Eric Roth
Genre: Drama/specifically designed to make you cry and win Oscars

1.5 Cookies

More like Extremely pretentious and Incredibly wanted to punch that kid in the face. The fact that this film is nominated for a Best Picture Academy Award is an absolute disgrace and in my mind basically nullifies any credibility the Oscars had left. This film, with a title almost as obnoxious as its two plus hours running time, goes wrong in so many ways it’s almost difficult to know where to start.

I think I’ll start with the atrocious acting of the film’s lead actor Thomas Horn. Horn plays Oskar Schell (the main character is named Oskar! And this movie is designed to do nothing but win Oscars! Coincidence?), a nine-year-old boy who’s father died on 9/11. When he discovers a key in his dad’s closet one year after his death, Oskar begins to search all over New York City to find what the key fits. For this film to work on any level, Horn’s acting needed to be masterful but instead the performance is a disaster. In a role that calls for serious emotional gravitas, Horn displays the acting range of a poorly designed CGI character. Everything about him is annoying. From his voice (way too much voiceover narration), his face, even the way he shakes a tambourine to relax himself.

My uncle asked me if I’d rather have lunch with Oskar Schell or Kevin, the deranged murderous psychopath from We Need to Talk about Kevin, and I went with Kevin – because being killed would be better than spending half an hour with such a pretentious, know it all snob, who is just as annoying before his dad dies as he is after. While it isn’t out rightly stated, Oskar more than likely has some form of autism, which contributes, to his social inadequacies, but director Stephen Daldry is so obviously using Oskar’s disorders to cloy audiences into feeling bad for him that it feels strained and manipulative.

Speaking of manipulative, this movie is specifically designed to use the tragedy of 9/11 to provoke a melancholy reaction from audiences that when you do cry – and you will – it’s not because of the movie’s strength, it’s just because of the movie’s topic. Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock do display some acting chops in their supporting roles, and along with Max Von Sydow who plays a not so mysterious stranger who doesn’t speak, manage to provoke some legitimate emotional reactions, but the strength of their performances is nullified by Horn’s performance and the story’s artificiality.

There is probably a good movie that could have been made here but the end result is certainly not it. 

My Top 10 of 2011 and the Golden Cookie Awards

I have seen 50 films that were released in the United States in the year 2011. There are some highly acclaimed movies that might have made the list had I seen them, but of the movies I saw in 2011, the following are my 10 favorites. I stress the word favorite as opposed to best, because I don’t believe anyone can accurately make a list of best films.  All anyone can do is pick his or her favorites.

Overall, I think this was a very weak year in cinema, with the worst movies being especially awful, while some of my favorites wouldn’t have made top 10 lists in stronger years. But without further ado, my favorite movies of 2011 are…

1. 50/50

Joseph Gordon-Levitt gives a subtly brilliant performance in the only movie in 2011 that made me cry. It also made me laugh harder than any movie this year except for Bridesmaids. Will Reiser’s script is remarkable, walking the tightrope perfectly between comedy and drama as it deals with the difficult subject of a young man fighting cancer. And Seth Rogen is simply hilarious.

2. Midnight in Paris

It’s the Woodmeister at the top of his game. Rebounding from the lackluster Whatever Works and You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger, Woody Allen has made a magical film in which Owen Wilson gives a pitch perfect performance as a writer who wishes he lived in a different era. Paris has never looked more stunning than through the eyes of Woody. Look for Corey Stoll who steals every scene he’s in as Ernest Hemingway. Plus, it gets better with repeat viewings. 

3. The Artist 

It's a black and white, French, silent film and it's absolutely magnificent. By far the bravest and most original movie of 2011, if The Artist ever feels gimmicky, director Michael Hazanavicius and star Jean Dujardin do a hell of a job disguising it. It's a joyous and uplifting celebration of cinema that may very well take home a boatload of Oscars. 

4. Moneyball


Great script by Aaron Sorkin and Steve Zaillian, great acting by Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill. It's a baseball movie that goes way beyond the realm of baseball.  Director Bennett Miller does a great job with pacing, as well as mixing tones  and changing rhythms. 

5. Bridesmaids


It's easily the funniest movie of 2011 but the reason it's so great is because, like all great comedies, there are fully developed characters, a great story, and the laughs cut deep. Kristen Wiig gives a superb three dimensional  lead performance and the supporting actors match her in every scene. 

6. The Ides of March


George Clooney directs the best ensemble cast of 2011, including himself, Ryan Gosling, Phillip Seymour-Hoffman, and Paul Giamatti. This super intense political thriller is razor sharp and pitch black dark; I loved every minute of it. 

7. A Separation


I am thankful that I had the chance to see this gift of a movie from Iran. Easily the best foreign language film of 2011, A Separation is phenomenally acted, perfectly directed, and expertly plotted. This film is definitely one worth seeking out. 

8. Super 8

In a year with so many bad summer blockbusters, I loved this summer monster movie directed by J.J. Abrams because it made me feel like a little kid again. It feels like a Spielberg movie from the 80s.  The last 20 minutes were a huge let down but the  first 90 minutes were super. 

9. The Adjustment Bureau


Released early in the year, this very underrated Matt Damon flick seems to have been largely forgotten, but I really liked this science-fiction romance tale about a love struck politician fighting to maintain his free will when he discovers that his whole life has been planned out. It's thought provoking, entertaining, and the most romantic movie of 2011. 

10. Martha Marcy May Marlene


Elizabeth Olsen gives the breakout performance of the year in this haunting tale about a young woman's experience in a violent cult and what happens after she escapes. First time director Sean Durkin shows a lot of potential and the movie is visually beautiful. I hate this movie's ending; it's a complete cop out, but for the most part, the rest of this movie is so good that it still makes my top 10.



GOLDEN COOKIE AWARDS:


Best Director

Asghar Farhadi - A Separation
Michel Hazanavicius - The Artist
Woody Allen - Midnight in Paris


Best Screenplay


Woody Allen - Midnight in Paris
Will Reiser - 50/50
Aaron Sorkin and Steve Zaillian - Moneyball


Best Male Actor


Joseph Gordon-Levitt - 50/50
Jean Dujardin - The Artist
Brad Pitt - Moneyball, The Tree of Life
Ryan Gosling - The Ides of March, Drive, Crazy Stupid Love


Best Female Actor


Tilda Swinton - We Need to Talk about Kevin
Elizabeth Olsen - Martha Marcy May Marlene
Michelle Williams - My Week with Marilyn


Most overrated/most pretentious/ most "I don't get why this got good reviews." 


The Tree of Life
Melancholia
My Week with Marilyn
The Descendants


Best crappy horror sequel


Final Destination 5
Paranormal Activity 3
Scream 4


Worst performance in a good movie


Freida Pinto - Rise of the Planet of the Apes


Worst movie I saw


The Hangover 2
Bad Teacher
The Sitter
Just Go With It
Limitless
No Strings Attached/Friends with Benefits
Cowboys and Aliens
Tower Heist


Worst movie I didn't see


New Year's Eve
Jack and Jill
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star

Catching up

Over the past few weeks I've fallen a little behind on my reviews. Here are four movies from 2011 I've seen without writing reviews and the scores I have given them.

A Separation - 3.5 cookies

The Sitter - 1 cookie

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol - 2 cookies

Hugo - 3 cookies

We Need to Talk about Kevin - 3 cookies

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011) Review

Director: David Fincher
Writer: Steven Zaillian
Genre: Thriller


3 Cookies

David Fincher is one of the best directors in the game today, Rooney Mara and Daniel Craig were great in their roles, and overall the American version of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo was more polished and cinematic than its Swedish predecessor; but it just simply was not as good.

Let’s say you love a small, hole in the wall pizza joint even though the pizza isn’t that great, the place is a dump, the service sucks, etc. The thing is, this small pizza place has a certain charm because it’s your small pizza place. While it’s not the highest quality of pizza places there’s something about it that makes you keep coming back. What if that pizza place went out of business and was replaced by a fancy pizza chain with better pizza, cleaner facilities, and better service? Sure, it may appear better at first, but the qualities you loved about the old pizza place will be gone and the charm will have disappeared.

It’s the same with Fincher’s American remake of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. While it may look nicer, have better production values, and higher quality acting, the thing that made me love the Swedish version so much was missing.

Surprisingly, Fincher’s version has more graphic violence and sexuality than the Swedish version, but Niels Arden Oplev’s film still feels grittier and realer than the remake.

That’s not to say that the new version isn’t highly entertaining and fascinating in some respects, especially a super trippy opening credits sequence and some great dialogue from Steven Zaillian’s script. If you haven’t seen the Swedish version, you will probably love this movie and if you have seen the Swedish version, you will like this movie.

I just wish that Fincher didn’t waste his talents making a movie that had already been made.